ok, things look that bit better...

I don't know where i gonna go from here..

Are we at war tonight
Will there be angels whispering to midnight
Don't wake when lightning strikes
My heart for you is true
Let no one take that from you
Time is running tight
Can't change from wrong to right
So I'll close my eyes and dream a little
Just like how we used to be baby

Its time to say farewell
No need to cry of feelings
Oh oh It's alright
I'll end the book of lies
Heaven grant me one last wish I beg you
Let me say these words before I go

I will love you till the end of time
Every breath of mine I'll hold you by my side
But I'll rest in peace my sweetheart would you
Let me die in your arms with you
Only you can stop the rain tonight
Only you can change my world from black to white
So I'll close my eyes and dream a little more

Are we at war tonight
Will there be angels whispering to midnight
Don't wake when lightning strikes
Heaven grant me one last wish I beg you
Let me say these words before I go

I will love you till the end of time
Every breath of mine I'll hold you by my side
But I'll rest in peace my sweetheart would you
Let me die in your arms with you
Only you can stop the rain tonight
Only you can get me straight to fight
Till the sky is burning it's the end of time

Look ahead tomorrow long and winding road
Keep the faith of mine don't let it go
You're the only reason night ain't growing cold
What would I do without you

I will love you till the end of time
Every breath of mine I'll hold you by my side
But I'll rest in peace my sweetheart would you
Let me die in your arms with you
Only you can stop the rain tonight
Only you can make my world so bright
Life no longer empty* with you in my heart
In my heart

Arrgh, feeling helpless. useless. LOST. can't think, can't clear my mind, don't want to forget, don't want to try.. i'm barely hanging on now.. it seems so stupid, but i can't really change things much now can i? DAMN damn damn. Can't get a grip, can't find a place to explode. nothing helps. could just die thinking about this. could go crazy. nothing seems to be right. it just doesn't feel right.. and it doesn't seem i can make it right..

It was on thursday night, was just stoning, then my mind started wandering..

I've been hardened by all this, but i still miss... Just realised i've been hiding all this while.. deceiving myself, telling myself it doesn't matter when it does. a lot. Can't explain this sudden surge of feelings. I feel weak again, seems like no one can help me.. just wanna shout out HELP ME!! maybe it's all my fault, can't change this fact. It's a mad world. No excuses. No way i can forget some things... I've got the strangest feeling you're gone away. Or am i one of those who never get they want? Hope not. no. Wish i could settle it all, don want it hanging there, like a thin thread. I don't dare to think, but don't want to put it down, can't put it down. sort of like unfinished business, only more important. to me. Mind was damn distracted this whole week. Broken hearts heal hard. Sorry. Ok, guess that din make much sense.. it's not supposed to, so yeah... It's just killing me, affecting me too much. Is it too late now? I could kill myself.

Whoosh, computer finally got repaired.. which explains my absence for the past week.. nearly died and was damn frustrating.. Anyway, nothing much happened so not much matter. Hmm, actually thought about many things or maybe it's just thought alot about something this week.. got lots to say, will attempt to do so in the next few posts.. Anyway, just returned from playing gryphons cups with sec4 basketballers in ri.. was fun.. lost first match and beat the pioneer batch.. the old men were damn dirty, as in they would just whack you, and jaron even got bitten by one of them.. bitten, yes. haha. collected 4 fouls in a row in that match.. was pissing, damn frustrating. like for not much reason.. must learn to keep clean, no silly fouls wanted.. but wasn't my fault. Hmm, got lots to say, but can't get it out now..

"No fate but what we make."

Looking back, there are many things i would not have done, but some others which i still would have, given a choice. i don't know.. maybe it's the benefit of hindsight. well, many things embarrass me, others screw me up. Of course i had my moments of glory, but those seem to have stopped coming.. and it's not gonna change unless i do something. it's not easy, i tell u. well, no use looking back on the past and start regretting things. If it's over and done, it's through. but i realise i'm still making silly mistakes. things which i can't change. myself.

did much stuff yesterday, that's why i was dead tired when i reached home and slept imm.. yeah, bball in the morning, T3 afternoon.. loken was damn cool.. hot as a erm.. hot plate. then went bball at ri, later met og, bought some nice stuff.. haha, won't mind receiving something like that =) should do that more often..

Anyway, just got reminded gryphons cup is next week.. it's when all ri old boys basketballers go back and play.. according to batch.. my batch not so on.. sad. won't do well, what with all the more skilled and fit seniors around.. though dunnoe why this year sec1 and 2 also got join.. crap, it's no point having them in. When we were sec 1/2, we were doing the score keeping and other crap stuff.. why do they get to play.. and they can't play for nuts too.. will be strange, meeting my old team-mates. wasn't exactly very close to them. but at least i've been training.. yeah.